Chronicles of a Late Bloomer

Celebrating: Crossing into the 200’s! Defeating the troll under the 300-pound bridge! Achieving my end-of-the-year goal! Call it what you will, I’m under 300 pounds!

Grateful for: I had really wanted to take a picture of my purple toesies framing the 299.8 point. However, I must have hit that point somewhere around Wednesday night after spending all afternoon and evening in the emergency room. Wednesday, I had another pain crisis which resulted in a 7-pound drop only 30 hours later. My doctors seem to think I have stomach acid problems, which leads to such debilitating abdominal pain that I am rendered immobile, speechless, breathless, and lying in a pool of my own sweat on the carpeted floor of my office. I just don’t understand how severe indigestion could be making me lose this weight. I’m sticking with my ovarian cyst theory until proven otherwise. (Note: I don’t “bounce back” from these dramatic weight losses, as though they were pure water weight or some other scale game. No, I lose the outrageous amount of weight in the 2 days following the pain crisis and it never comes back. All I can figure is that a combination of eating right, exercising, and battling the huge, fluid-filled aliens living deep in my torso has spurred me to these current numbers.)

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 300.4
This week: 296.8
Change this week: -3.6
Total change: -57.8
Next milestone: 60 pounds gone

This week’s mantra: Be grateful. Be grateful. Be grateful.

Celebrating: Crossing over from BMI’s “Severly Obese” into just “Obese.” Yay!

Grateful for: I wrote earlier about an increase in [otherwise healthy] carbs and my trepidation over weight fluctuations this week. Well, the mystery seems to have been solved when I experienced another ovarian cyst rupture yesterday at work. Thankfully, this one was only about half as severe and debilitating as the one linked above, and that is what I’m grateful for this week — that I was able to ride it out with my office door locked, get home safely, and rest. (And, heck. Maybe once my body re-absorbs the rest of the cyst fluid, I will have crossed into the two-hundreds!)

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 301.6
This week: 300.4
Change this week: -0.8
Total change: -54.2
Next milestone: 55 pounds gone

This week’s mantra: I’m too close to ease up! TIME TO CROSS 300!

With a recent personal budget crisis and no choice but to become very frugal, I must report that I am now in week 3 of not eating out nor purchasing groceries. I have no doubt that this contributed to my 5+ pound loss in the last week.

Fortunately, I had a few things stockpiled (many of which I had forgotten about) which have seen me through these lean times, including dried beans, frozen veggies, and a $5 grocery store gift card. I’m grateful for the resourcefulness, creativity, and determination which were passed down to me from my farmer grandparents. It’s very tricky, after all, to be broke and try to still eat healthily. They did it by composting and growing their own food. I live in the concrete jungle and am relegated to scraping the bottom of the barrel.

For instance, last weekend as I stared at my cupboards I wondered how I would stretch 2 eggs for an entire week’s worth of breakfasts. I didn’t have milk, fresh fruit, yogurt, or any of my other stand-bys. What I DID have were some quick oats (purchased for a baked gift — I don’t eat quick oats but rather steel-cut) whole wheat flour, and frozen berries. Voila! 2 eggs turns into a week’s worth of whole-grain muffins. Later that evening, I also made homemade crackers (a feat I have accomplished before) to eat with canned tuna and carrots for my week’s lunches.

This represents a dramatic increase in grain-based carbohydrates, which may result in some waffling on the scale this week, though I am quick to note that they are all whole grains. (Heh. I said “waffling.”) However, that might not be this week’s biggest culprit.

No, the true danger for me — Broke Betty — this week is any mention of FREE FOOD. Whether it be a friend’s invitation for Sunday dinner or a coworker’s candy jar (mercifully filled with goodies other than migraine-inducing chocolate), the thing I’m learning about free food is that it doesn’t tend to be very good for me. Also, I tend to overindulge right now because I am panicked about my personal finances and free food is, well, free.

All of this is to say that at my mid-week check-up weigh-in this morning, the scale was up a bit from what it was over the weekend. I’ve still lost more than 50 pounds, but I will be grateful for payday on Friday, an infusion of fresh fruits and vegetables, and a baby step towards peace of mind.

Celebrating: 50 POUNDS GONE!!!

Grateful for: I’m sorry — maybe you didn’t hear me. I’VE LOST OVER 50 POUNDS! (Okay, also I’m grateful to have broken past 40 BMI points.)

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 306.8
This week: 301.6
Change this week: -5.2
Total change: -53.0
Next milestone: 55 pounds gone

This week’s mantra: Hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

How much of my current success with weight-loss efforts is linked to my current financial difficulties? I simply don’t have the funds to eat the way I used to. I am forced to regulate my money and this has assisted me in regulating my food spending and consumption as well.

I want to be clear about something: I was able to really get a handle on my Binge Eating Disorder long before I went broke, but still. It’s pretty hard to get excited about bingeing on beans and rice, or frozen brussel sprouts. The money just isn’t there for eating fancy French desserts and tripling up on supersized meals the way I did in the past.

And, will the lessons that I’ve learned about regulating my eating be able to step in and help me out with my financial life? (Thankfully, I know the principles did overlap for Sally.)

If nothing else, I can attest to this truth: small changes make a big difference. Look at my 1-pound-per-week loss. It’s all added up to something that’s pretty measurable. Hopefully the same will be said of paying off debt, clipping coupons, and trying to get my financial priorities in order. If I ever believed it before, I know it now: the same skill set that can change one part of your life can be applied to other parts and turn you into a great big darn superstar.

It just takes time, patience, and belief.

In my efforts to break past the 300-pound mark without totally freaking out, it occurs to me that I might need to adjust my big-picture goals a bit.

Originally, my goal for evading weight-loss surgery was to weigh under 300 pounds by the end of 2008. There it is again — the big three-oh-oh. With so much riding on those three digits, it’s understandable that my mind and body connection could fabricate a metaphysical traffic jam and, once again, prevent me from crossing into a new century.

Well, yes. My goal was to get there by the end of 2008 but guess what? If my graphs and charts and trend-lines have anything to say about it, I’ll cross that mark by the end of September. For the first time in my life, I am a person who sets and achieves goals. And, the thought of achieving a goal and not knowing where else to go makes me feel very, very uncomfortable.

All of this is to say that to (1) depower the 300-mark and (2) continue sanely along this journey, I am revising my end-of-year goal:

By the end of 2008, I want to weigh 289 pounds or less.

This means that I will have (a) lost approximately 70 pounds and (b) have only 100 pounds left to lose until I cross into my “normal” BMI range.

100 pounds left has a nice ring to it. I think 289 also gives me some leeway in case I need some latitude during the holidays (though, I don’t anticipate needing more than 2 or 3 “free” days and now that I know that chocolate causes my migraines, well… let’s just say it will be a very different holiday season all around). 11 more pounds in 3 months. 4 pounds a month. About 1 pound a week. That’s the course I’ve already been on, and I want to see if I can do it all the way through to the end of the year.

PLUS! Consider this: I am currently a candidate for weight-loss surgery to be paid in full by my insurance because I have over 100 pounds to lose. If I reach 289, I will no longer qualify for that alternative. It will be off the table and I will have nothing to do but acheive my goals the old-fashioned way.

I was having a foul-mood day on Thursday, out of nowhere. Well, it was probably less “out of nowhere” than it was “out of staying up until 2 a.m. every night watching the Olympics.” Seriously, NBC. I appreciate that you are trying to show these events live, but COME ON ALREADY.

So, in the midst of my crankiness, I decided to purposefully go and do something nice for someone else. On my lunch break, I wandered into the blood donation center at the hospital and gave a pint.

Well, the pint gave back to me with a few pleasant surprises:

1. My blood pressure was 119/74. Yay!
   
2. I had plenty of hemoglobin and was not anemic — something I wonder about from time to time when I am not eating as much (or as much red meat!) as I used to. Maybe the daily multi-vitamin is saving me in this department.
   
3. After donating, as I sipped on orange juice (and turned down the brownies — stating that “I’m allergic to chocolate” now that I know it causes my migraines), a teenaged volunteer came around with a stack of t-shirts.

   “Would you like one?” he gawked.

   “No thanks, I don’t think they’d fit me,” I answered, matter-of-factly, between jokes with the phlebotomist who was bagging and tagging my blood. Generally, I require a 3X and sometimes a 4X. Since I was pretty sure they wouldn’t have anything larger than an XL (the gold standard for free t-shirt giveaways), I just waved him off.

   Later on, another employee came around, unaware that I had already rejected the offer. “Would you like a 1X or 2X?” he asked.

   As I sipped the juice, something inside me did a little flip. I held up two fingers and smiled my gratitude.

   Then I ran back down to my office, locked the door, stripped from the waist up, and pulled the 2X over my head.

   It fit.

Celebrating: Being able to wear a 2X t-shirt! (more on that later)

Grateful for: payday yesterday. Phew! That was a close one!

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 309.0
This week: 306.8
Change this week: -2.2
Total change: -47.8
Next milestone: 50 pounds gone

This week’s mantra: Oh my gosh! I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.

I’ve heard and read a lot lately about people in maintenance or on plateaus who are lamenting the gain/loss of the same 1-3 pounds. I’ve heard those pounds blamed, demonized, and credited for more malice and malintent than I ever thought possible. Before we beat ourselves up for “gaining and losing,” let’s consider exactly how arbitrary our system of measurement really is.

I mean, who was it that originally decided how much a pound weighed? Cubits and feet were once based on bodily measurements — and what if you were freakishly tall or long or wide? Early civilizations standardized a quantity of grain or rocks to get by in the measuring game. Like everything else in life, a pound is what you make it.

For instance, if you live in Europe, you can gain as much as 2.2 pounds and theoretically not notice any difference on the scale! That’s because a kilogram is 2.2 pounds. In Britain, you might weigh in stones, which equate to 14 pounds each! I’ll admit — I’m a little tired of letting something as arbitrary as a small unit of measurement freak me out.

For me, personally, I can’t let myself be grieved little gains/losses, plateaus, or other numerical nonsense. It’s all in the momentum you have and the direction you are moving. I think a 5-pound alarm will do. That is, I think that if I were to notice a 5-pound gain, I would attempt to step up my efforts. Why 5 pounds? Yes, it’s a nice round number. But, it’s more than that, to me.

5 pounds, which is the size of my second dog, is a substantial amount of weight in the perspective of my life. 5 pounds is how much a life weighs — a life that is very precious to me (though not necessarily so for everyone). My dog made a big splash when she arrived, and she would leave a big void if she were gone.

I’ve chosen 5 pounds as my measurement of choice. I celebrate 5-pound losses and I will pay attention to 5-pound gains. Everything else is just numbers.

Celebrating: 45 pounds gone!

Grateful for: all that I am learning about myself in this process.

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 311.4
This week: 309.0
Change this week: -2.4
Total change: -45.6
Next milestone: 50 pounds gone

This week’s mantra: Achieving goals is good; there is no need to sabotage them.