Crisis of Motivation
This week culminated in a pure crisis of motivation yesterday morning when, around 7:00, I suddenly decided I just wasn’t going to work out. I just couldn’t. photo credit: ant.photos This came hot on the heels of Wednesday night’s slump (Oh, I’m so tired — I can’t do more than 20 minutes of cardio…) and certainly has psychological and physical ties to Tuesday night, when I couldn’t fall asleep until about 2:00 a.m. photo credit: krissikes I’ll probably get into details leading up to the crisis, and the emotions involved (I am a therapist...
Read MoreComing off nicely
My ex-boyfriend has been indispensable in counteracting my blindness throughout this process. Although I’ve lost 60 pounds — and although I’m aware that 60 pounds must come from somewhere! — it’s been hard for me to accept that I am making any visible progress toward health. As I mentioned before, all of my same rolls and lumps and bumps are still intact and, while they are smaller, I do so look forward to the day when I no longer sport a tiered belly. A layered belly cake with raspberry filling. Mmmmmm. Last night, as we perched on the edge of my bed, my ex...
Read MoreLong division
No one wants to talk about it, but I think that many people look at fat women differently when they have a boyfriend or husband than when they are single. Maybe that’s unfair (gross generalization, anyone?) but since becoming involved with my first boyfriend 2 years ago, at the age of 31, I have noticed a dramatic difference in the way others seem to view me. It’s almost as though I have achieved the societal stamp of approval. “Well, she’s fat…” they reason, “but at least she’s not unloveable.” Men at work, at church, on the subway, and...
Read MoreAs a team
At his request, I’ll be bringing my boyfriend home to meet my family this Christmas. I was surprised when he brought it up; on TV, the boyfriends always dread meeting the family and do so grudgingly. Also, on TV, there is a canned laughter track when the boyfriend disagrees with pop on politics and mom on religion and offers to milk the cat. The man set about memorizing my family tree on our third date — and that’s when I knew he would be staying for a while. But, no amount of explaining to him what it’s like to be in a house with my 6 siblings, their spouses and...
Read More46 chromosomes
Dad is the one with diabetes. He was diagnosed about 10 years ago, and has since been promoted from mild sensitizing drugs to multiple insulin shots daily. He’s maybe 30-40 pounds overweight on his worst days. BUT. In his natural environment, my Dad does okay with eating well. He really likes vegetables (!!!) and so generally he’ll steam up asparagus or broccoli even when my mom makes a pasta/meat/bread/sweets spread for dinner. But, in my family of 9, he was generally the only one who would eat them. He has a natural hunger switch, eats less than the rest of us, and quits when...
Read MoreSnowball in hell
You could have knocked me over with a feather last night when my dad announced that he and my mom have started on the Weight Watchers program. Mom talks a lot about needing to lose weight, but I have only known her to do something about it maybe 2 times in my entire life. She is easily 100+ pounds overweight. I finally got my mom on the phone to own up, and exclaimed incredulously to her, “I mean, did you go to a meeting and everything?” Well, no. They signed up for online services including e-tools, but hey. It’s a start and, shoot: that’s basically the plan...
Read More