This morning: 332.2
This time last year: 279.6
The difference: 52.6

Hi. There are 52 weeks in a year. That’s +1 pound each week this year.

Well, damn.

Here we go again.

Grateful for: Clear-headedness. Another chance to have another chance.

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 306.8
This week: 299.0
Change this week: -7.8
Total change: -55.6
Next milestone: 60 pounds gone (I already celebrated this one, but will celebrate it again.)
Current goal: 250 by the end of 2009

This week’s mantra: Turn around and get pointed in the right direction.

Grateful for: A blissfully uneventful procedure on Wednesday. Aside from trouble with the IV and a 3-hour wait on the gurney, after 6 pricks, 2 hematomas, and struggling to wake up from the general anesthesia just to sloppily demand, “But, do I get to go home this time?” all seems well. My duct injury and liver bile leak have healed better than they expected, they did NOT have to re-place a new stent on the duct, and I have been sent on my merry way for now. I’ve slept off the anesthesia and my throat and voice are nearly back to full functionality (the procedure was endoscopic — a tube through the throat to the intestines). All in all, it is the best possible outcome for the time being.

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds (well, that was my 2/2008 weight)
Last week: 287.2
This week: 281.4
Change this week: -5.8
Total change: -73.2
Next milestone: 80 pounds gone (I already crossed the 75-pound milestone when I weighed after getting home from the hospital).
Current goal: 275 by Valentine’s Day, 227 by the end of 2009

This week’s mantra: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Grateful for: Friends, family, projects, creativity, my dogs, and my habit of re-orienting and re-focusing myself in autumn rather than at the New Year.

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 274.8
This week: 279.6
Change this week: +4.8
Total change: -75.0
Next milestone: 80 pounds gone
Current goal: Maintain under 289 by year end, 275 by Valentine’s Day

This week’s mantra: This is the week for renewal.

Important note: I now understand how dangerous it is to achieve goals without having a new goal. It’s like telling the universe, “Thanks for all the help — but I feel like stalling out now.” So, my next goal will be to weigh under 275 by Valentine’s Day. This makes me seem like a real under-achiever, but consider this. Sometime in the next month I will have major surgery, and I assume my recovery will not include vigorous exercise or even hours of standing in the kitchen, cooking. Also, I’d like to make it through the holidays without having a major diet meltdown. It is still my goal to weigh under 289 pounds by the end of 2008 and under 275 by Valentine’s Day. I promise to adjust these numbers as needed, but I’d rather adjust them down than up.

Grateful for: having a computer again. Last night, I got my geek on and replaced my hard drive. I still haven’t tried to restore the backup of my personal weight spreadsheet (with handy-dandy charts!) but I will do that later today. Looks like I will be able to post more frequently again!

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 291.4
This week: 288.8
Change this week: -2.6
Total change: -65.8
Next milestone: 70 pounds gone
Current goal: 275 by Valentine’s Day

This week’s mantra: “Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Grateful for: learning how to roll with the punches. This post is being back-dated, because my computer died and I wasn’t able to post on Saturday. Fortunately, I was able to weigh-in. What will I do if my Tanita dies? KNOCK ON WOOD!

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 293.2
This week: 291.4
Change this week: -1.8
Total change: -63.2
Next milestone: 65 pounds gone

This week’s mantra: Roll with it, and then let it roll off your back.

Grateful for: my mom’s birthday gift — that she was willing to take time out of a business trip to come to my apartment and help me tailor and alter my 11 pairs of suits and work pants. I have invested in some nice business clothes over the years — and all of my size 28 trousers are falling off my hips after losing over 60 pounds. The average amount that has been removed from the waistband of these pants, so far, is 5.5″. Someday, I’ll actually buy new clothes, but I’m grateful to her for buying me some time and saving me some cash.

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 292.8
This week: 293.2
Change this week: +0.4
Total change: -61.4
Next milestone: 65 pounds gone

This week’s mantra: Celebrate yourself.

I admit to feeling a little smug when I found out that my referral for an endoscopy was denied. Apparently, the insurance doctors couldn’t find a good cause or medical necessity for the procedure, based on my symptoms.

So, I called my doctor today and badgered him for the results of the CAT scan that I underwent on Monday morning. He wanted to wait for my insurance to reverse the denial of endoscopy coverage before we discussed the results, because he’s convinced that I have indigestion, or an ulcer. However, because I believed that my pain was a result of gall bladder issues and not stomach issues, I felt that the CAT scan would be just as informative as the endoscopy, if not more.

Well, it took some convincing but he finally looked at the results and read them to me over the phone. Indeed, the CAT scan technician had found multiple gall stones, thickening of gall bladder walls, and severely contracted gall bladder, “which would likely account for the patient’s symptoms.” Now I await referral for a surgical consult and will probably never have to deal with this particular GI specialist again.

But, I will have to have surgery.

At least we are finally getting something done. I read this article about listening to your body earlier, and I think it’s a good reminder for us all.

Now that I’ve lost some weight, and the Problem of Pants is becoming much more troublesome, I’m working to stitch and alter my clothes until I can afford new ones. Re-enter The Belt. A year and a half ago, I declared the belt as a progress goal — hoping that I could someday buckle it, even just to the first hole. Well, a few weeks ago, feeling utterly frustrated by the Problem of Pants, I pulled the belt out and cinched it up. To my surprise, it not only buckled, it buckled at the fifth hole.

Before picture here.

After:

Because sometimes I need a burger.

This picture is not staged. This plate full of food is what I actually ate for dinner tonight. No, there isn’t a bowl of fries or a milkshake hiding off camera. There is a monstrously big cup of water, though. The carrots and grapes are from my local farmer’s market (the one only 5 blocks from my house), and the burger is fixed just the way I like it — with cheese, extra sauce, hold the onions.

To me, this is a good representation of my current [lack of] eating plan. I call it, loosely, the 80-20 Rule and it’s my most powerful weapon in the battle against perfectionism. Perfectionism has long paralyzed me. The 80-20 rule is, as you may have figured out, a tool to promote permission.

I try, 80% of the time, to eat perfectly. I pass by the cake, pack my lunches, and steam broccoli for dinner. I’m mindful and careful and purposeful 80% of the time.

The other 20% of the time, I try to eat pretty well. I don’t give myself unmonitored free reign at an all-you-can-eat buffet. I just try to act differently than I would have in the past.

In the past, after a day of thinking about and salivating over the idea of a hamburger, I would have driven straight to McDonald’s. I might not have even waited until the end of the day, but taken my binge break at lunch. I wouldn’t have asked if I could afford it or ensured that I had money available. No, I would have gone straight to the nearest drive-thru and ordered not one, not always two, but sometimes three super-sized value meals. I would have eaten them in the car — inhaled them, really. I would have included 3 or 4 desserts in the order, just for good measure. Those would be scarfed with milk — my bingeing beverage of choice.

It’s all just so Freudian.

Now, though, I make those 20% choices pretty good. It does me no good to eschew the burger after craving the burger for 24 hours. By that point, this is not just a passing thing. Nor is it the universe’s representation of evil on earth. It’s just some meat on a bun. Granted, the bun is made of refined white flour, but…

• I check my wallet, and make sure I have cash to pay.
  
• I choose a restaurant that is committed to using fresh ingredients, reasonably similar to what I would eat at home.
  
• Even though the fries are made from actual potatoes, I only order the burger, knowing what potato does to me.
  
• I don’t order two or more burgers. Well, I almost do. The conversation at the menu board goes like this: “I’ll take a cheeseburger with no onions. And… um… okay make that two cheeseburgers with no onions and a… wait. No. Make that one burger. Just one burger, no onions. Awesome.” (The “Awesome.” is my little pep talk to myself.)
  
• I don’t eat it in the car. Rather, I drive home, put it on a plate, and make an actual meal of it. I consider that this meal contains a portion of meat, a carb, and should also include vegetables and/or fruits. That’s what I’m doing these days. I eat veggies. Two meals a day. And tonight I sort of felt like the lettuce and tomato on the burger wasn’t really going to be enough. It wasn’t going to get me all the way to 80-20. So, I sliced carrots.

20% of the time, I cut a smaller piece of pie. I skip the mayo. I double up on salad. 20% of the time, I slice berries into my cereal. A certain measure of freedom is built into most every healthy eating plan. In Weight Watchers, it’s the Points Allowance. I mean, if the expectation is that you are going to be perfectly perfect all the time…

…you will fail.