Sit-down chat
Although I’m not Jewish, I’ve always appreciated that the Jewish New Year falls in the autumn, and not in the dead of winter. I’ve always felt energized in autumn, as Mother Nature gently guides us toward her long sleep, and seen it a time of renewal and recommitment for me.
Honestly, a renewal could not be more timely right now. That unanticipated and frightful hospitalization is likely to transform into a turning point, for better or worse. It would be easy for me (and it would be expected of the Old Mal) to throw up my hands, play the victim, and decide that losing weight is Just Too Much for me to handle right now. It’s natural for me to look upward at the looming mountain left to climb, rather than look backward at how far I have already come, and decide that it’s just not worth it.
After all, losing 75 pounds has dramatically changed my life already. My knees, hips, shoulders, and other joints don’t bother me the way they did. I’m wearing different clothing sizes and styles than I have ever dared before. I know that I carry myself differently and am more “socially acceptable” than I have ever been in my adult life. Plus, I’m sick. I get fatigued. I am stressed by the ins-and-outs of medical leave, disability insurance, and whether or not I’ll be able to pay my rent. I’m tired. I’m worn down. I might not have it in me right now.
Not to get all cliche or anything, but sometimes I feel a bit like a caterpillar in a cocoon. I guess that halfway through a journey is as good a time as any to have a little sit-down talk with yourself. Here are the questions I might ask, if I were to pretentiously speak to/about myself in second and third person:
- How far have you come?
- How far will you go?
- How did you get to this point?
- What course corrections will you make to ensure that you hit your target?
- Do you have what you need to get there?
- Are you in a foreign land? Do you speak the language or have a reliable guide?
- Are you enjoying the journey? If not, why not?
I’m going to take some time to think about and answer these questions. Do you have any thoughts? Questions you might like to see answered halfway through a long, difficult journey? Ideas that might help me refocus for the last half?
December 1st, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Those are excellent questions. I think I’ll have an interview with myself tomorrow.
I hope you feel better soon.
We don’t give our own strength enough credit. For me, fear and laziness win over too often. But it’s like I have to constantly remind myself how accomplishing and maintaining my goals makes me so damn happy. Goes back to the thought of, what are people afraid of most? Answer: happiness.
December 2nd, 2008 at 4:23 am
I am not sure that it is fear and laziness. I think of it more as fear and paralysis.
I did love your questions too.
I think it is important not to expect to be ON the other side of the mountain for a while. Personally I just feel like I got far enough on the other side that I do not want a ‘do over’. Up until now – that feeling that I just wanted to go back in time and ‘do it right’ was very much on my mind much of the time. I am finally far that I am content to let the past be the past and move on – but it took a long time. I don’t know if others have that wish to do it over and do it right – but I sure did.
I am glad that you are writing again.
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:17 am
Here are a few that I am trying to focus on:
What are some of the small victories you’ve had along the way?
What kinds of things will making this change open up for you?
What support do you need that you’re not getting? How can you ask for it?
What changes are actually rewarding in and of themselves and not just for the end result?
How can I make this a part of my life instead of an extra burden?
I hope you feel better soon.
December 2nd, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Sigh… I’m not the person to be giving advice on maintaining weight loss, sadly. But I’m sure that you’ll do great at it. :)
December 5th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Hi!
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Please let me know if you would be interested. Thanks so much and keep up the great work!
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December 10th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Hey again! It’s so nice to have time to read blogs again after the busy semester. It’s great that you are taking some time to think about how far you’ve come and not undo all the hard work that you’ve done so far with too much stress. I’m happy to see that you’re making progress!
December 16th, 2008 at 9:02 am
It has been two whole weeks since you posted – how are you feeling? Back to work or not until after the first of the year?
December 24th, 2008 at 6:00 am
merry christmas!!!
December 28th, 2008 at 7:17 am
where are you??? please don’t stop writing again. . .