Chronicles of a Late Bloomer

I finally had a little cry about this whole gallbladder and surgery thing on Friday when I was told that even if my insurance approval came through that afternoon (Even if? It’d been 10 days since I met with the surgeon for what I thought was approval…), the earliest day the surgery could be scheduled would be the end of November. End of November? By that time, it will have been 3 months since I went to the emergency room, which was by no means the first time I experienced the severe abdominal pain signalling pancreatitis and gallbladder malfunction.

The pain I can handle. But knowing that my liver and pancreas are malfunctioning for over 3 months — especially when I work with organ transplant patients every day and can easily jump to the worst of conclusions — is what pushed me over into tears.

Last week, I wrote about altering my goals and basically giving myself some leeway until the end of the year. When I wrote that, I really thought I would be getting surgery within the next week or so. Consequently, I did ease up a bit, allowing myself to sleep in instead of packing lunch, watch TV instead of exercising, let the dogs run around in the yard instead of taking them on a walk. After all, my stated goal was to maintain for the next two and a half months. How hard could it be? (Yes, I know this is a preview of things to come, and I have since repented of my pride.)

Well, those days are over. If I won’t be getting surgery until the end of November, my new goal is to actually lose as much as I can before then. I can’t control everything that is happening with my health (and my $#&% insurance company), but I can adopt an intense focus on my weight loss goals and sprint to the surgery. Every ounce healthier I am when I lie down on that operating table will work in my favor. I can exercise on the days when my energy is up and eat super sensibly on the days when I am overcome with fatigue.

I can take an active role and stop passively waiting for the big things to happen.