Chronicles of a Late Bloomer

I finally had a little cry about this whole gallbladder and surgery thing on Friday when I was told that even if my insurance approval came through that afternoon (Even if? It’d been 10 days since I met with the surgeon for what I thought was approval…), the earliest day the surgery could be scheduled would be the end of November. End of November? By that time, it will have been 3 months since I went to the emergency room, which was by no means the first time I experienced the severe abdominal pain signalling pancreatitis and gallbladder malfunction.

The pain I can handle. But knowing that my liver and pancreas are malfunctioning for over 3 months — especially when I work with organ transplant patients every day and can easily jump to the worst of conclusions — is what pushed me over into tears.

Last week, I wrote about altering my goals and basically giving myself some leeway until the end of the year. When I wrote that, I really thought I would be getting surgery within the next week or so. Consequently, I did ease up a bit, allowing myself to sleep in instead of packing lunch, watch TV instead of exercising, let the dogs run around in the yard instead of taking them on a walk. After all, my stated goal was to maintain for the next two and a half months. How hard could it be? (Yes, I know this is a preview of things to come, and I have since repented of my pride.)

Well, those days are over. If I won’t be getting surgery until the end of November, my new goal is to actually lose as much as I can before then. I can’t control everything that is happening with my health (and my $#&% insurance company), but I can adopt an intense focus on my weight loss goals and sprint to the surgery. Every ounce healthier I am when I lie down on that operating table will work in my favor. I can exercise on the days when my energy is up and eat super sensibly on the days when I am overcome with fatigue.

I can take an active role and stop passively waiting for the big things to happen.

Celebrating: new clothes shopping!

Grateful for: REALLY having my computer back this time (I hope).

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 288.8
This week: 290.6
Change this week: +1.8
Total change: -64.0
Next milestone: 70 pounds gone
Current goal: 275 by Valentine’s Day

This week’s mantra: Use your energy to deal with the present — the future will come in due time.

Celebrating: 65 pounds gone! Not to mention crossing the 289-pound mark, which now means that I have less than 100 pounds to lose and, most importantly, I no longer qualify for free weight-loss surgery! The option is off the table!

Important note: I now understand how dangerous it is to achieve goals without having a new goal. It’s like telling the universe, “Thanks for all the help — but I feel like stalling out now.” So, my next goal will be to weigh under 275 by Valentine’s Day. This makes me seem like a real under-achiever, but consider this. Sometime in the next month I will have major surgery, and I assume my recovery will not include vigorous exercise or even hours of standing in the kitchen, cooking. Also, I’d like to make it through the holidays without having a major diet meltdown. It is still my goal to weigh under 289 pounds by the end of 2008 and under 275 by Valentine’s Day. I promise to adjust these numbers as needed, but I’d rather adjust them down than up.

Grateful for: having a computer again. Last night, I got my geek on and replaced my hard drive. I still haven’t tried to restore the backup of my personal weight spreadsheet (with handy-dandy charts!) but I will do that later today. Looks like I will be able to post more frequently again!

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 291.4
This week: 288.8
Change this week: -2.6
Total change: -65.8
Next milestone: 70 pounds gone
Current goal: 275 by Valentine’s Day

This week’s mantra: “Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Celebrating: new reserves of knowledge, tenacity, and perseverence. It’s what I needed to get back on track after an awesome birthday week!

Grateful for: learning how to roll with the punches. This post is being back-dated, because my computer died and I wasn’t able to post on Saturday. Fortunately, I was able to weigh-in. What will I do if my Tanita dies? KNOCK ON WOOD!

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 293.2
This week: 291.4
Change this week: -1.8
Total change: -63.2
Next milestone: 65 pounds gone

This week’s mantra: Roll with it, and then let it roll off your back.

Celebrating: My birthday today! (I was hoping to maintain this week, since it’s my birthday and I’m allowing for some celebrations. Also — I had a very late, sodium-heavy meal last night, so I’m not too ruffled about the slight gain. Stay tuned for next week! Shoot, I might lose 6 ounces of internal organ alone!)

Grateful for: my mom’s birthday gift — that she was willing to take time out of a business trip to come to my apartment and help me tailor and alter my 11 pairs of suits and work pants. I have invested in some nice business clothes over the years — and all of my size 28 trousers are falling off my hips after losing over 60 pounds. The average amount that has been removed from the waistband of these pants, so far, is 5.5″. Someday, I’ll actually buy new clothes, but I’m grateful to her for buying me some time and saving me some cash.

Starting weight: 354.6 pounds
Last week: 292.8
This week: 293.2
Change this week: +0.4
Total change: -61.4
Next milestone: 65 pounds gone

This week’s mantra: Celebrate yourself.

Please consider registering as a volunteer at Army of Women.org. Researchers are seeking out healthy women to unlock the secrets of breast cancer. You can make a world of difference by volunteering to be matched with research studies and donate your time (and maybe your blood, or saliva, or medical history) to these studies.

I just registered and I think you should, too.

I admit to feeling a little smug when I found out that my referral for an endoscopy was denied. Apparently, the insurance doctors couldn’t find a good cause or medical necessity for the procedure, based on my symptoms.

So, I called my doctor today and badgered him for the results of the CAT scan that I underwent on Monday morning. He wanted to wait for my insurance to reverse the denial of endoscopy coverage before we discussed the results, because he’s convinced that I have indigestion, or an ulcer. However, because I believed that my pain was a result of gall bladder issues and not stomach issues, I felt that the CAT scan would be just as informative as the endoscopy, if not more.

Well, it took some convincing but he finally looked at the results and read them to me over the phone. Indeed, the CAT scan technician had found multiple gall stones, thickening of gall bladder walls, and severely contracted gall bladder, “which would likely account for the patient’s symptoms.” Now I await referral for a surgical consult and will probably never have to deal with this particular GI specialist again.

But, I will have to have surgery.

At least we are finally getting something done. I read this article about listening to your body earlier, and I think it’s a good reminder for us all.

Remember The Belt? I had bought it while living in Israel when I became friends with a leather artisan. I selected the leather strap, the buckle, and the spacing of the holes; he assembled it to my specifications. I hoped that choosing the longest strap available, the sturdiest buckle, and the smallest hole spacing wouldn’t result in a belt that was too small for my girth. But, it was.

Now that I’ve lost some weight, and the Problem of Pants is becoming much more troublesome, I’m working to stitch and alter my clothes until I can afford new ones. Re-enter The Belt. A year and a half ago, I declared the belt as a progress goal — hoping that I could someday buckle it, even just to the first hole. Well, a few weeks ago, feeling utterly frustrated by the Problem of Pants, I pulled the belt out and cinched it up. To my surprise, it not only buckled, it buckled at the fifth hole.

Before picture here.

After: