Hangnail specialist
This summer, I launched a new initiative to “be a grown-up now.” It’s been a very empowering process — defining my core values, setting long-term goals, and projecting markers and milestones along the path toward achievement. I’ve committed to taking more personal responsibility. I’ve, in a sense, gotten my butt in gear.
One of the overarching goals is called, ubiquitously, Health. Naturally, losing weight falls under this category (exit 60 pounds, stage left). Another part of my accountability for health issues is to build a good relationship with a doctor, to receive checkups routinely, and to actively seek treatment when I am unwell.
This seems like an obvious life skill — GO TO THE DOCTOR — but like so many overweight women, I have studiously avoided doctors for years and years and years. It seemed that no matter what my complaint, The Doctor could twist and turn it around so that it was caused by my morbid obesity. Now, I know that obesity is not conducive to health, generally. However, I had a hard time believing that every single ache and pain would magically disappear if I were to lose weight. Infrequently, I would actually see thin people sitting in the waiting room of the doctors’ office. Sometimes, on TV and in the movies, thin people even DIED. Imagine that!
The straw that broke it was when I sought treatment in my early 20’s for a severely sprained finger. I had jammed it while playing a friendly game of volleyball and, although I was sure that the doctor couldn’t find a way to pin a sprained finger on my 100+ pounds of excess weight. I was wrong.
“Well, if you were in better shape, you wouldn’t have gotten injured.”
That’s about when I stopped going to the doctor.
So, deciding to seek medical treatment for my episodes of abdominal pain (ridiculously, this decision was only made after the pain became so intense that I resigned myself to the emergency room) is a big step for me. I know that I am hypersensitive about my body in every way — both offhanded and clinically-neutral commentary triggers major emotions in me — so I am trying to give the doctors the benefit of the doubt.
That said, this whole process of diagnosis is really taxing me. I want answers. I am afraid that there won’t be any and I’ll just be another pathetic, fat hypochondriac. I’m worried that, at the end of the day, all I’ll have for my troubles is a pat on the head and a slap on the back and an admonition to “just lose weight.”
I find some of the doctors’ comments utterly trivializing — as though I might seek medical assistance for a hangnail or a bad case of the hiccups. “Take this acid-blocker” is a popular piece of advice in this process of diagnosing abdominal pain. Now, I understand rationally that this is not an emotionally-loaded piece of counsel. Nonetheless, it has sent me into near-tears all three of the times that I’ve heard it. “Take an acid-blocker” is probably not meant to be dismissive, but it feels that way. As though I might go to the emergency room for a case of indigestion. As though I could confuse mere heartburn for a true medical concern. As though I were a whiny crybaby who imagined symptoms in order to get attention.
As though I hadn’t lain on the floor of my office, writhing in pain so unbelievable that I couldn’t form words or take a full breath for almost 45 minutes before seeking help. As though I hadn’t soaked through all of my clothes and lain in a puddle of my own sweat. As though all I needed was a Tylenol and a warm blanket (the remedy offered to me by the hospital). As though I didn’t know my body, my own ridicusly-high pain tolerance, and my history well enough to formulate the following opinion: SOMETHING’S WRONG.
To be fair, my Primary Care Physician took me a lot more seriously after she saw my lab results. When my liver counts came back in the high 300’s (the “normal” range caps out at the mid-teens), it was though she had pulled cotton from her ears and could actually hear me. I no longer felt dismissed by her. She shared my concern, and she sought out a specialist.
Did the specialist actually roll his eyes during my appointment with him yesterday? I’m not sure, but it sure felt like he did. Again — I’m happy to take ownership of my hypersensitivity on this one. Hell, I’ll even agree that I might have an acid problem. But, I won’t take your daily acid-blocking pill until you give me a more thorough work-up and put me through some damn tests.
And so, as soon as they’re approved by my insurance, I’ll be getting more bloodwork done, a CAT scan, and an upper endoscopy. Add this to the 4 rounds of bloodwork I’ve already had, two pelvic and one abdominal ultrasound, and three episodes of pain so intense that I (and the people who saw me) thought I might die, and then let’s talk. If you still don’t know what’s wrong with me, we might get around to taking acid-blocking shots in the dark. We can resign to taking medications on the hope that they might hopefully someday avoid another pain episode. Maybe. If you’re lucky. I guess. [Fatso.]
But, until then, please look past my shape and size and try to take me seriously. I promise to handle the hangnails and heartburn at home, but I need you to help me puzzle through my liver, pancreas, gallbladder and spleen.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I am shocked and appalled at the treatment you’ve received from the medical community. Yes, there are hypochondriacs. Yes, there are people who exaggerate their symptoms. I just don’t understand how this is supposed to help their patients.
All I can say, in regards to your symptoms, is that it sounds like pancreatitis. I am in no shape or form a doctor, but your symptoms bring back a lot of memories. I’ve seen what it can do, and I’ve heard a multitude of stories of people who’ve had to deal with it.
I just ask that you keep fighting to get the diagnosis you deserve – because you are a person first and foremost – not because of who the doctors think you are. Don’t let their prejudices keep you from the treatment you so obviously need.
September 24th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
The sprained finger incident is beyond ridiculous. What an asshole.
But I will say this: I think a lot of doctors treat a lot of people this way, regardless of weight. Yes, too many doctors have said cruel and ridiculous things to overweight people (I’ve read many horror stories online), but I think the whole “not believing you” thing is across the board. After I went through a similar ordeal, I don’t think it’s a fat discrimination thing; it’s a superiority complex kind of thing. I’ve never been more than about 25-30 lbs. overweight, and thankfully I’ve never had weight come up with a doctor’s visit. But I have had doctors discount my pain, my input, and my knowledge about my own body. Many times.
When I was having severe abdominal pain, I was told it was an ulcer, and to take some Prilosec. My internist saw me for a full five minutes, tapped my stomach a bit, and said, “it’s the beginnings of an ulcer.” Not until a year later when the pain was so severe I thought I was dying did anyone bother to run any actual tests. And yet, the first thing I had said to my internist when I had seen him a year ago was, “I think I have gallstones.” Guess who was right all along?
I think with all the information we’re able to get online these days, some doctors are defensive; they think that as people most likely bored with our lives we’re trying to make an ocean out of a puddle. It’s like a) they don’t want us to guess what’s wrong, because that’s their job and not ours apparently, and b) I wouldn’t be surprised if a little laziness or over-scheduling may be at fault. How easy is it to scribble on a piece of paper and tell someone to get some acid-blocking meds? Takes a lot less time then getting some blood drawn, or an ultrasound, or scheduling any other tests. They’re thinking about getting you out the door as quickly as possible because they have 20 other patients to see that day.
I think as patients we all have to fight, not just those who are overweight. I’m not trying to minimize the unnecessary and cruel words that doctors have given you about your weight, but in a way I’m trying to make you feel better about it since I experienced near matching circumstances in having my pain and my own research ignored. (I’ve also been reading http://sccsdecker.blogspot.com, and in some of the earlier posts, the husband of the woman hospitalized had to fight for anyone to listen to any of his suggestions.)
Another thing of interest: I read this article recently about how over-prescribed acid-blocking drugs are. Doctors used to be very frugal with prescribing them; now they hand them out like candy. The doctor who wrote the article explains that because of all the acid-blocking drugs people are taking, it’s actually producing bad results on their digestive health altogether. And being that we both had such similar experiences, I don’t doubt that plenty of people are taking acid-blockers when they don’t need to, simply because they have been misdiagnosed.
Here’s the link to the article: http://www.experiencelifemag.com/issues/september-2008/health-wellness/functional-wellness-part-3-digestive-health.html
I hope they get to the bottom of this, and that you are treated respectfully and gently. Take care.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:48 am
I think as much of THAT ATTITUDE from docs is due to being female as it is being fat. Sad to say/hear – but I think very true.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Ugh, hope you get a diagnosis soon!
September 25th, 2008 at 8:36 am
This post makes me furious. Freaking know-it-all doctors. For me, people’s motivation is more important than their actions. And why do most people become doctors? Is it to help people? I think for some people, yes. But I think a good amount of doctors go into medicine for respect, power, and a big fat paycheck. I’m not saying they don’t deserve the money, but COME FREAKING ON and DO YOUR JOB! Listen to your patients! I actually changed dentists because I got so sick of my dentist not LISTENING to me. I’d tell him I’m not having my wisdom teeth out and if I did, it would be done by an oral surgeon. Two seconds later he’s telling the hygienist to schedule an appointment to have my teeth out. Hello, b!tchface, did you hear what I just told you?! Happily, my new dentist listens very carefully and is very respectful, and I think he really does care about providing good dental care for his patients. More doctors need to be like that.
And STOP telling fat people they’re unhealthy because NOT ALL OF US ARE! I know plenty of thin people who are always sick–I almost NEVER get sick. I’m talking, I go YEARS without getting sick. So who’s unhealthy? EH?!
September 25th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I’ve run into the same thing, both when I’ve been overweight and when I haven’t. I’ve had an on-going problem with my feet and I’ve been to three different podiatrists now and none of them take me seriously. They act like I’m exaggerating the fact that my feet always hurt, every minute of every day. Granted, it’s not a 10 on the richter scale of pain, but constant pain is pretty wearing on the nerves.
Like you, I pretty much don’t go to the doctor unless I absolutely have to. There’s nothing worse than going in with a list of symptoms and have them either find nothing wrong or downplay how you feel until you feel like an idiot for going in there and wasting the doctor’s precious and highly paid time.
That’s why I love my girlie doctor. She always sits and listens and she never rushes me. She’s a firm believer in minimal discomfort and genuinely makes you believe she cares. She’s a rare breed!
September 26th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
All,
Thanks for helping me clarify my thoughts about this issue. I know that we all have sensitivities when it comes to our bodies — and I now realize that my HYPERsensitivity is about being overweight. At least it’s good to know that I’m not alone — even if it’s horrible to know that this sort of treatment is not uncommon, across the board.