Coming off nicely
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:38 am (Physical, Progress, Relational)
My ex-boyfriend has been indispensable in counteracting my blindness throughout this process. Although I’ve lost 60 pounds — and although I’m aware that 60 pounds must come from somewhere! — it’s been hard for me to accept that I am making any visible progress toward health. As I mentioned before, all of my same rolls and lumps and bumps are still intact and, while they are smaller, I do so look forward to the day when I no longer sport a tiered belly. A layered belly cake with raspberry filling. Mmmmmm.
Last night, as we perched on the edge of my bed, my ex quietly absorbed the reality of my “new” arm shape. He said, kindly stroking his fingers along the fleshy parts, “It’s coming off nicely, isn’t it?” I had to laugh, because the phrase struck me as sweet and a little strange. Like something you might hear from a plumber, or a barber. I wish I could see it the way he does. Yes, the scale blows mathematical sunshine up my bum at 5-pound intervals, but the visible evidence of change is so slight and so slow.
“You don’t spread out right here the way you used to,” he muses, pointing to a certain spot on my hips when we relax on the bed. His words are drenched with true affection and care, so it’s hard to feel any sting in them. He assures me that my back, arms, hips, and even knees look slimmer than they ever have. I had to point out to him, with a sigh, that so do my boobs. He just smiled his genuine smile and said, “But isn’t it kind of exciting? You’re getting a whole new body!”
This alternate perspective means a lot to me, as I still have over 100 pounds to lose. It’s a little bit surreal I have resigned myself to being so big for so long. But, as I tune into the little signs of change — the arm-shaped arms and the emerging ankles — I hope to better acknowledge the non-scale victories just as much as I enjoy pushing toward that 5-pound mark every week.
i i eee said,
September 23, 2008 at 8:41 am
With everything that’s going on, it’s probably hard to see the small changes. I imagine if you compared before and after pictures you would be able to see your slow, but steady transformation more clearly.
MaryFran said,
September 23, 2008 at 9:54 am
I’m so glad that you have someone in your life that is working to help you see the changes within yourself. I won’t lie, I still don’t seem much of a difference when I look into the mirror. I can see a difference when I look at pictures…especially before and afters; go figure! :-)
You are doing GREAT! Keep up the good work!
TOWR said,
September 23, 2008 at 10:44 am
If somebody said something like, “You don’t spread out as much as you used to,” I’d probably kick him in the nads.
But that’s just me. ;)
vickie said,
September 23, 2008 at 12:55 pm
That did sound like a MALE backassed comment if I ever heard one - but we know what he meant - and he meant it nicely.
vickie said,
September 23, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I think we all go through a disconnect - between what we feel on the inside, what we see when we look down, what we see when we look in the mirror and what we see in photos.
I think that it is a plus/benefit to slow, steady weight loss - the mind has a chance to keep/catch up.
mal said,
September 23, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Vickie and others,
I can see how his statement might come off as hurtful — fortunately, given who he is as a person, our caring relationship, and the fact that I was also making assessment comments, it really didn’t bother me. He DID mean it nicely.
Also, I was saying things like, “I should start doing push-ups, because look at this flappy part right here.” He would nod in response because, well, it IS flappy. He is unfailingly honest, but also gentle; the perfect kind of friend to have (especially since we’re exes, and can sort of show each other naked parts of our bodies from time to time!).