What you see/get
May 26th, 2008 at 6:47 pm (Uncategorical)
I know from experience that it takes around 30-35 pounds before people start to notice that I’ve lost weight. So, it shouldn’t surprise me that several people have commented to me in the past week or so that I look like I have, well, en-small-ened myself a bit. No, it shouldn’t surprise me, but it does.
I guess, in part, it surprises me because the majority of this weight was lost without me even really noticing it. I don’t know how heavy I was at my highest — only that my black pants wouldn’t button, my bras dug where they should not dig, and my joints were as whiney as a 13-year-old brat with a trust fund.
I think it’s safe to estimate that my weight peaked around Christmas, which was the last time my family members saw me. I didn’t work out how to get on a scale that registered anything other than shame until around February. By that time, I was up to 161.2 kilos (yes, I weighed myself in the dialysis unit because it was the only monster scale I could find at the children’s hospital where I work) but now I’m beginning to think that I weighed even more in December.
Since it usually takes 30-35 pounds before people notice a change, I think we can safely assume that I had unwittingly ballooned up to well over 360 pounds. I’m still counting 354 pounds (yeah, 161 kilos) as my “high” but I do think I was higher.
The evidence:
- 2 weeks ago, half of my family came for a visit to Disneyland and, by association, me. My mother (uncharacteristically) noticed that I look “smaller.” Also, I notice that I can comfortably wear my denim jacket again.
- My boyfriend, on stumbling across my overall weight loss numbers last week, said, “Well, I had noticed you lost weight but I didn’t want to say anything.” There’s a history as to why I would try to lose weight without sharing so with my significant other… but while I was silently eschewing white bread, white rice, mashed potatoes, and pasta, he silently continued to be the person most intimately acquainted with me and my 161.2+ kilos.
- My older sister — blessed with the family’s best metabolism and smallest frame, a head and a half shorter and 200 pounds lighter than I — is visiting this weekend. She, too, commented that I look “thinner.” This means something, coming from my former rival, the only woman I personally know who wore a size-zero wedding dress, and the queen of the restricted compliment.
In fact, I don’t know that any of these people were complimenting — merely registering data: I have not just lost weight. I have lost a noticeable amount of weight.
vickie said,
May 27, 2008 at 3:34 am
In Lion King - the Circle of Life -
in weight loss -
the Circle of Feedback.
My emotions go up and down about Feedback.
I have gone through times where I felt my whole Process was very private and felt quite “intruded” when anyone stepped over my internal line of personal space.
If it was the same person commented every time they saw me - it got old fast. Interestingly - this particular person went on to lose her own weight a year or so later and came and found me to apologize for these non-stop comments. She found the non-stop comments exhausting in her own process and realized what she had done to me.
And there were times that I lived for the attention. Didn’t pay any mind to the rest of the conversation - just waited for talk about ME.
I found myself making my world as tiny as possible during my losing phase. cut every possible thing that I could - so that I could focus. I am not saying this was GOOD - I am just saying this is what I did.
I am very glad you are back to posting again. Hope you have a great and peaceful week.
Sarah J said,
May 27, 2008 at 7:37 am
Any chance YOU are moving differently…because YOU are noticing the change? And this is what they are noticing… not a specific threshold number?
Harkening back to one of your earlier posts about perspective.. I’m currently at a weight that FEELS lower to me because of activity, core strength, etc. The actual number is only a few less than what I’ve been. I know I’m carrying myself differently because I feel different. And, I noticed people are definitely picking up on it….even though the number it self hasn’t changed that much.
Just a thought. Congrats, by the way, both on the numbers and the noticing. And, I hope YOU feel it more than others notice it!
Sarah
TOWR said,
May 27, 2008 at 8:36 am
Size 0 wedding dress? I’m going to try not to hate her… But I’m not gonna lie–it’s going to be difficult.
Marla said,
May 30, 2008 at 5:39 am
Hey chickie! Glad you’re back, thanks for commenting on my blog.
No one ever comments on my weight, I don’t think anyone would dare! But it takes a lot of weight loss, almost ten pounds, for me to feel or see a difference myself. On the other hand, I feel like I notice a GAIN of two ounces… I guess I am one of those “glass half empty” people! On the other hand, I can feel a difference in muscle development sometimes after just one or two workouts, so that’s nice.