Easy come, easy go
November 18th, 2007 at 8:04 pm (Metaphysical)
I get into QZ’s car so that we can go to the Felt Club show downtown. “I have a goal,” I announce.
She looks a little doubtful, and who can blame her? I sheepishly cough up some caveats. “Well, I mean, it might not be my goal tomorrow, but it is my goal today.”
“Proceed,” she encourages, but haltingly.
“I am going to lose 40 pounds before my PhD interviews.”
“And when are those?” Now, she’s checking her rear-view mirrors. A lot.
“In about 4 months.”
“4?”
I stop. I actually count on my fingers.
“Okay, 3. More like 2 and a half.”
“That’s a very ambitious goal,” she hmmm’s.
We change the subject and then arrive at the show. We walk together, past the artsy booths with hand-made fashions — not even stopping for the girl who makes the adorable jackets. We know they won’t fit us, nor will the screen-print tees or even some of the bracelets for sale. I like the wrist cuffs, but they’ll accentuate my blobbery arms. I act, though, like I’m not interested in them at all.
We take a break to eat breakfast. And lunch. It’s more than just brunch, since I have a huge blueberry waffle, 2 scrambled eggs, 2 full strips of bacon, and an entire pile of corned beef hash. Also, I have orange juice. It is delicious.
On the way home, I dig up a copy of Bust from the floor of QZ’s car. It features Beth Ditto on the cover, and who doesn’t love Beth Ditto? I chitchat with QZ about performances that I’ve seen on Youtube where Beth Ditto just got so into the music that she started stripping down. She just couldn’t stay clothed. She jiggles and jumps around onstage, flab a’flying. In all her glory. It’s awesome.
Beth talks in the article about how little she cares for what people think — and I actually believe her. She talks about how long it took her to break fat-girl fashion rules and start showing off her upper arms. She is unafraid. She is herself. She looks amazing in the photos — even the one with the ridiculous pink tights. I feel a twinge.
“Fuck ‘em,” I announce, dropping the magazine to my lap. “I’m just going to be who I am. If they don’t want me because of how I look, that’s their problem.” QZ nods. It’s really the only possible response because, unlike Beth Ditto, I don’t really mean it.
I just wish I did.
TOWR said,
November 21, 2007 at 9:06 am
Call me crazy, but I just don’t think Beth Ditto is that fat…
Yeah, f*** ‘em!
PastaQueen said,
November 25, 2007 at 8:53 pm
TOWR, I was thinking the same thing. And I don’t mean that in the, “Oh no, don’t be silly, you’re not fat!” assuaging kind of way where someone thinks fat is a bad thing. I just don’t think she’s really all that fat. I suppose ultimately it’s irrelevant.
I think if you start repeating to yourself that you don’t care what other people think, eventually you might start believing it. Fake it until you make it.
i i eee said,
February 13, 2008 at 6:13 am
Is it bad for me to disagree, as a non-fat girl? I think Beth Ditto is quite fat -she just carries it so fabulously, and so stylishly; her fatness isn’t the first thing one thinks of when they see her. Even though she seemingly flaunts it, it’s her personality and that shines above all else. And that’s all sorts of awesome if you ask me.
Also, I imagine she’s in great shape, to be able to kick ass on stage like that while singing so well. Meow. I bet she’d be a lot fatter if she wasn’t doing this on a regular basis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vL1BOXHMHCo
I don’t see why she has to be fatter -does she have to look fatter than one’s self in order to make one feel better about their own fatness? I think that’s kind of lame. I just see that too often -fat people are trying to one up each other on their fatness pain. Like saying, “Someone like Beth Ditto doesn’t know what it’s like because she’s not as fat as me.” It’s like some sort of fat status.
I love ths post, Mal.
i i eee said,
February 13, 2008 at 6:14 am
Ugh. Even after a quick proofread I’m full of typos, and leaving out words. Hate that. Anyway.