Crossing the Threshold
May 21st, 2007 at 12:14 pm (Physical)
After an hour [of walking], thought-journeys into the past and future have become less compulsive, and less tinged with regret and anxiety. As I reach the little notch that will bring me to the top of the cliff, I realize that my eyes have abandoned their aggressive “reading,” and have begun to do what I can only call “caress” things. . . At the top of the cliff I stop, and find that I’ve crossed the color threshold.
If I stay out long enough, I can expect this transition, though it doesn’t always happen. Colors become more distinct and saturated, light more radiant and dense, even on cloudy days. . .
Today, along with a heightened awareness of light and color, comes a rinse of relief: I have arrived here, all is well.
I first became a Hannah Hinchman fan when I was learning to journal and draw and paint and generally take notice of things. In her book, A trail through leaves: The journal as a path to place, Hannah talks a lot about meditation. Her journals primarily honor and explore the badlands of Wyoming where she lived at the time, and she uses walking, journaling, and art-making to hone her attention and focus onto the things that are Really Important.
This idea — of crossing the color threshold — has always stuck with me. If I had unlimited time, I too would wander around outdoors with a blank book and a set of watercolors and walk and walk and walk until the world seemed magical and right. This type of meditation would suit me just fine, I suppose, although I have never had the luxury of book royalties and art commissions from which to test out that theory. Still, I experience something vaguely similar when I exercise.
I have noticed that it takes me about 13 minutes to cross the Treadmill Threshold. That is, routinely — around minute 11, when my legs feel like lead and I am miserable and haven’t yet really worked up a sweat and find my breath coming in irregular, raspy gasps — I think to myself, Why am I doing this? I hate this. I want to stop. I want to go home. I don’t want to exercise or lose weight or be healthy or any of those things. It’s too much work. It’s hard. I gave it a whirl and I don’t feel good and now I am going to stop.
What I have learned is that if I can push through to minute 12, 13, 14 and beyond, suddenly my legs feel like they have transformed from lead pipes to wings. I do a little shadowboxing in beat to the music. I feel light and free and even skip a little bit for the joy of it. I laugh, sometimes, to think of myself whipping along — heart rushing, sweating, breathing. I feel healthy and strong and think, Why, I could do this for hours! What was I bellyaching about?
Incidentally, this has also happened when I was walking outdoors, off of the treadmill. It’s just that when on the treadmill, I am ever so much more aware of the minutes as they tick by. Now, at minute 7 or 8 when I start feeling really miserable, I can just think to myself, “Just push through and cross the threshold. If it still sucks then, you can stop.” I never have yet.
Does this happen to you?
Ali said,
May 21, 2007 at 6:56 pm
What a fantastic post. This does happen to me, but I’ve never thought about it quite this way before, as a “threshold”
I essentially just keep making bargains with myself “Just get to 10 minutes (15 minutes, half way, whatever) and then you can stop if you want to” By the time I’ve reached 10 minutes or so, I feel accomplished enough to keep going. By the time I get to half way, pride wont let me stop!
Lori W. said,
May 22, 2007 at 6:04 am
Yes, it’s true — you’ve hit on it exactly. For me, I’d have to play tricks with myself and say, “OK, just keep walking through this song and see if you want to quit.” And I’d get close to say, 10 minutes or 15 minutes and I’d want to keep going on. The threshold got better and better as you do it.
I’m looking forward to getting back on the treadmill but I have to admit, I’m not looking forward to retraining myself from zip after 2 months off.
It’s so funny — you say pretty much the same thing I’ve said to myself.
jodi said,
May 22, 2007 at 10:40 am
i would say that once i reach the halfway mark, its much easier to keep going… and it helps to do intervals - a few minutes fast and a few mintues slow - because the you’re more focused on the time and not how tired you are… at least for me anyway… ;o)
Luna Bella said,
May 22, 2007 at 6:49 pm
Another ‘me too’: I mostly walk outside, and I have a particular street that acts as my threshold. I always tell myself, in those miserable, trudging, pre-threshold minutes, that I can turn around if I want to after I hit that street. By then, though, I almost never want to. I’ve gotten my stride going and I can just sail along. It’s weird, isn’t it, how different it is on either side of that invisible line!
Kery said,
May 22, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Same for me when I go running in the morning. About 10-15 minutes is my threshold (it depends on the days); if I can push past that, I’m usually good to go. I trick myself with the ‘finish this song first’ or ‘just 5 more minutes’ or ‘reach the turn of the lane and then see if you can go on’. It works, so I’m not looking further into it.
Sarah said,
May 28, 2007 at 2:44 am
Thanks for this! I did “Bike the Drive” yesterday in Chicago (the 15 mile route) and lo and behold…the 2nd 7 miles was much easier than the first. Adrenaline, muscles loosening…and a sense of joy. It felt great. Of course, my butt was less happy on the 2nd half… but there really is no bike seat that 305 lbs can painless sit on for 90 minutes! Thanks for putting into words the threshold. It makes getting through the beginning easier….of whatever exercise I’m motivating myself to do!