Chronicles of a Late Bloomer

This happened last time I joined Weight Watchers, too. I did not commit to the program right away. It’s not like I did it on purpose, just that I went to the first meeting, weighed in, and then proceeded to feel sorry for myself for the next week. In my world, a pity party is comprised almost exclusively of eating. Eating. More eating. I ate everything in sight in a defiant act of self-sabotage. (Unfortunately, this is my standard eating M.O. unless I have some sort of imposed structure.) I ate and ate and ate and then, one week later, stepped up on that scale again to see what I had done.

What I had done was add 1.4 pounds to my already sorry frame.

At the time, it was a real motivator. It was a near-tangible consequence of the way that I have treated my body for all of these many years. It was one of those a+b=c types of equations that I am always looking for in my life. Simple math. I eat too much, binge and stuff my face, and then I gain weight. Period. There was no fancy underlying emotion or mysterious cause. I ate too much. I gained weight.

At that point, the defiant eating just, well, stopped. I decided I didn’t want to do that anymore, and I didn’t. I got rid of my junk food. I spent the weekend preparing food and I ate that food throughout the week. I used therapy, friends, journaling, sketching, and other outlets for the emotional energy that usually got dulled out in a sugar fog. I just stopped.

I hope that happens this time, too. Since the weigh-in, I have eaten so much. In my defense, mostly I have eaten it by going out with friends — lots of birthdays and going-away-parties and “I had a bad day and need to bitch”-capades. Most of that food hasn’t been eaten by myself or felt like a binge. It has just felt like overeating. But, I have been eating through the food in my house that, come Monday, will be off-limits. And now it’s Sunday. And that food is nearly gone.

My friend Dr. M says that anything worth starting is worth starting on a Monday. See you on the other side.