Control
October 14th, 2004 at 5:54 pm (Uncategorical)
Yesterday was a hard day. I find myself wanting to exert more and more control over what I eat — like with the Subway Sandwich guy on Sunday. Yesterday was an all-day training for schools counselors and lunch was provided. I knew it might well be something I didn’t want to eat, but I also didn’t want to set a bad precedent or exacerbate what might otherwise look like eating disorder behaviors, so I didn’t take any “Mal-friendly” food with me when I went.
Sure enough, lunch was Subway Sandwiches (again! I took the least intrusive turkey on white) with chips and cookie. Did I have to take chips and a cookie? No. Did I anyway? Yes. But I only ate one cookie and I only had half the bag of chips. Did I take a juice or soda? No. At least I can say that. And I ate slowly. And sketched during lunch. And it was okay.
But I’m working through the reality that this is just the way things are. I’ll be faced with these situations all the time. Next time, I’ll choose between the chips and cookie, but I don’t feel overly bad for handling it the way I did.
Today, I brought lunch to work. Usually I don’t mind temperature differences too much (like, eating meatballs from the fridge or unrefrigerated carrots) but for some reason today’s lunch just didn’t work when it wasn’t 100% fresh. Too bad.
Tomorrow morning is the next weigh-in. Early. I wonder if that meeting time will continue to work for me? After weigh-in, I’m going to breakfast with Einat. Again, faced with a situation where I’ll just have to make the best choice possible.
I have supervision tonight. I hope I don’t get hungry between here and there and back again. There are just too many fast food places and cash burning a hole in my pocket.
Disappointment because my client didn’t show. Need to check my emotions and not binge off of it.
