Concept
My therapist asked me yesterday if I had any concept of what it would be like to weigh under 300 pounds. Now, I’m a smart girl with a very rich imagination. I’m an artist, who likes to explore new concepts and push the boundaries of reality and thought. I’m a researcher, who enjoys envisioning new frontiers. But, no. Try as I might, sitting there in her office, I just couldn’t imagine life at anything under 300 pounds. Sure, I hemmed and hawed a bit. I mused about the carefully built persona that didn’t care about weight — a desperate defense against what...
Read MoreExtremities
I was all caught in traffic today and so arrived so late to my meeting that they had already locked the doors and were closing out the register. Fortunately, I had a $10 bill and they had 5 pennies for change so they let me sneak in, pay, and get weighed. I felt sorry to miss the meeting, because I’d like to experience different kinds of leaders, but at least they let me get my benchmark. The benchmark? I weigh 315.8 pounds. That’s down 9.8 pounds from last week, and 24.2 pounds overall. Unbelievable. I thought it might happen, since last week’s loss of only 0.2 pounds came...
Read MoreWithout my standard armor
I’ve had an unpredictably difficult therapy week. Things have been good, you know? Things have been really good since all of this new eating began. For someone with an eating disorder that stretches back nearly 30 years, it’s been a remarkably smooth transition into eating more carefully and being accountable for it. Perhaps too smooth and, of course, I’m talking about those fears with my therapist. What happens when I fall? I know I’ll fall. I’m not saying I’ll fall beyond repair, but I know there will be slips. What happens, though, if this doesn’t...
Read MoreThat time
To say “I’m menstrual” is a real understatement for someone who has PCOS and only gets their period once every 3 or 4 months. At any rate, the trauma that it puts my body through is explanation enough for having lost only .2 pounds in a near-perfect eating week. I’m not worried about it. Bodies are funny and the general direction is down so what do I care? Interested to see what happens next week, and if I can keep staving off the crazy cravings that we’re now chalking up to the bleed. Oy. Still, I didn’t gain. That’s pretty incredible, considering...
Read MoreSpinach Frittata Love
Okay. Let’s face it. This week, it’s all about the spinach frittata that I concocted. A cup or so of spinach (either frozen that’s been thawed and the water squeezed out, or fresh torn into little pieces and wilted over low flame for a few minutes). Use a small, non-stick frying pan that’s safe to go from stovetop to oven. Take ten or so grape tomatoes, sliced in half lengthwise, and sautee in a tiny little drizzle of oil or a few squirts of cooking spray. Flip the tomatoes now and again, but let them sit on the heat long enough to get crispy in spots. Season the...
Read More